“Everything is in you. And it gets conjured.”
John is sitting at yet another bar. This time it is in Morocco. He is tired. He is 36 years old. He gave up on love quite a long time ago.
Olivia is wearing a red lipstick. She is the only woman in that bar. Or at least she is the only one John notices. She is alone. Smoking a cigarette after a cigarette.
John is about to leave. He had way too much. But he must make a connection with her. He just must. He walks up to her, looks at her (they both are clearly disappointed in the idea of love, you can see that in their eyes), and hands her a note that says:
"Why are you trying to kill yourself so badly? Nice lipstick. +420 625 121 784"
He goes to another bar and has 2 more beers. He is excited. Can't stop replaying their eye contact in his mind when he gave her the note. This time, he found the one. Finally, all past suffering makes sense. Or so he thinks...
....
They got married and lived together until Olivia died of breast cancer at the age of 63. She cheated on him with three other guys.
"You look beautiful! Oh, sorry... I guess friends shouldn't say that..? It is nice to see you!" - excitedly, Tomas
"Hi..." - Milena, nervously
They enter Tomas' favorite bar. He is full of energy. He has waited for this moment for a long time.
They sit. The bartender takes their orders. Tomas is smiling.
"So... How have you been? How is your daughter?" - Tomas
"She is fine... I am fine... To be honest, I am a little nervous. I am not sure why I am here." - Milena
"It is okay. It is just for a moment. We are all going to die." - Tomas, continues smiling.
He loves her eyes.
He loves her smile.
He loves her body.
In another universe, they are lovers for life.
"Ahh.. You have not changed I see.." - Milena losens up a bit, breaks a little smile.
"We are continuosly changing. After about 10 years, almost every atom in your body is replaced. How on earth do we keep the stable sense of self throughout of our lives?" - Tomas
"Did you get high before coming here?" - Milena
"I missed you!" - Tomas
"Tomas.. We cannot be anything more than friends.." - Milena
Tomas' heart sinks. But he does not show it. He never does. He is a slave to control.
But he is ready to tell the truth. He has waited for this for such a long time.
"After the last time we met..." - takes a deep breath. "I fucked a few other girls. And you always came to my mind after I finished fucking them and I was with them in bed, hugging. I wished you saw me with those girls. I wished you were those girls."
"I guess I lost attraction for you when you offered me to buy a washing machine for having sex with you, after I moved to a new place. After my divorce." - Milena
"That is not when you lost attraction for me" - Tomas
"You are absolutely fucking crazy" - Milena
"And you are absolutely fucking beautiful" - Tomas
Milena is feeling many things. She likes his mind. She finds him attractive. But she saw his demons so clearly. Maybe it reminded her of hers. Or maybe she was not really into him that much. Maybe he just said the right things she needed to hear that one night at the bar while her husband was fucking another girl...
----
They never met again. They never had sex. Or maybe, they did..
“There is something so powerful having a girl with a pretty face suck your dick.”
Peter is hangover. Sitting in a cafe. Trying to read. His second attempt at Nietzsche. Trying to get over his last break up. By a break up he means a fling that lasts 3 weeks. He loves heartache. He seeks for it.
Natasha is russian. Her father recently died. She just does not care anymore. Life is a theatre for her, a game, nothing to be taken seriously. We are all going to die. The universe is indifferent.
She sits in front of him, uninvited, and just stares at him.
"Hey there..!" - smiling for the first time that day, or maybe that week, says Peter.
She is sitting. Not moving at all. Staring at the floor. Then suddenly, looks up, looks at his blue eyes, and asks confidently, and at the same time without any hope:
"Do you believe in God?"
"Well, what do you mean by God?" - asks Peter, getting excited. He loves these topics. He loves these crazy women.
"Oh, so you are one of those assholes..." - says Natasha, intrigued, breaking a little smile.
"And you are one of those crazy ones..." - Peter, now completely being in the present.
She loves these topics. She loves these crazy men.
"If by crazy you mean those who see, sure, I am" - Natasha
"Oh, so you see?" - Peter
"How many realize that it is just a theatre? That we are bunch of actors, clueless, unable to ever find any answers whatsoever... All we do is lie to ourselves. We are too weak to admit that we do not, nor will we ever, know. Marionettes of passions. That's what we are. Yes. I see. And I am not afraid to say it. Maybe you need to gain some confidence. You smell like alcohol." - Natasha, passionately
"So profound. I hope your father is an alcoholic. I hope you have daddy issues." - Peter
"Wow, you really know how to talk to women." - Natasha. She sleeps with men only on the fifth date.
"You are interesting. I like that." - Peter
"Do you know how to cook?" - Natasha
"Yes. I make perfect scrambled eggs. What about you? I hope you do. That's what women should be able to do." - Peter
"Oh, yes, of course, I cook very well, and I clean very well as well. Now will you marry me?" - Natasha
"You need to take me to a dinner first" - smiles Peter, and, continues:
"What are those passions you were talking about before?"
....
They got married. But it did not last. They were able to see their demons, but unable to fight them.
“Schopenhauer wanted to find meaning in his suffering, Aurelius wanted to escape his.”
“no thing is more real than another.”
“It is way easier to become a monk if you do not have a billion dollars.”
“whatever comes to your mind, say it at loud. express what you are feeling in voice.”