Ego ideal residing in the super ego is a crucial culprit of suffering. Ego ideal is the internalized perfect version of a human. It is developed and continuously changing (thank god for that, it means the betterment is possible). It starts being developed since the first hero story we hear. Then it gets shaped, and re-shaped, over and over, as we encounter more and more stories (through books, tv shows, people we observe who get what we want etc.).

Anxiety comes from ego ideal not being in congruence with the individual actuality (in other words, we do not live up to the ego ideal), or when it is used to block out other parts of super ego. Examples to follow.

A good friend of mine, for a long time, had a role model (isn't it the same as ego ideal?) who is Hank Moody (a fictional character who is a writer, has sex with many different women, drinks a lot and ends up in ridiculous yet fascinating situations). He lived a similar life to some extent. He was fine as long as he had the women, and the stories. However, in periods he did not encounter either bizarre situations or women, he fell into deep despair. Once the ego ideal was changed, specifically, when he stopped caring that much about women and ending up in the aforementioned situations, and got involved deeply in the intellectual pursuit instead, that is when that deep despair was eradicated. The reason the latter ego ideal brought more satisfaction from life is because it was closer to what he actually was. What does it mean being closer to what you actually are? Ego ideal has to be in congruence with the rest of super ego.

Another friend of mine (let's call him Steven), his father has always pushed him to have a family. That push did not come from a good place in his heart (Steven felt). That became clear once Steven asked his father a question "would you rather I am happy without a family or be unhappy and have a family?". His father could not answer the question that has the obvious answer. Into questioning more about his father, it seemed clear, Steven's father did not actually live. He did not achieve anything in his life. All he did was have a family. The ego ideal in this case consisted of just one constituent - family. That ego ideal was developed to fight against the remaining of super ego (which obviously has many parts such as people should experience life, they should live it, they should achieve something, leave a mark in this world etc.). That fight is futile, however. Ego ideal developed for such purposes will result in anxiety, anger and other symptoms (the reason, again, is the incongruence between ego ideal and the rest of super ego). We need others to believe in our story as well, and the weaker that story, the more we want others to believe in it (Steven's father never stops talking about the need for family).

How to change the ego ideal that causes pain? Think and write down, about a person that you wish you were. Ego ideal is in large part developed unconsciously. Therefore, to shape it in the preferable direction, find role models in literature, movies, friends that correspond to it. Do not want to have Hank Moody as a role model? Read about Socrates. Read about Newton. Watch TV shows with similar characters.

How to change society and make it suffer less? Create many healthy role models that different people can subscribe to depending on what they want to be. Popularize and worship them all. It then can become not only ego ideals, but its values part of the whole super ego as well.

After having gone through a few experiences with Russian and Ukrainian women this year, and now after the recent fiasco with a woman from Ukraine that I fell in love with in a day, I have come to the realization that there is a stark difference between women from the West (or the ones that were influenced by the ideology of the West) and women from Russia and Ukraine (or the ones who speak Russian and lived during Soviet times (or their daughters), so their Super Egos were developed inside the frames of USSR - therefore it can include women from Lithuania, Latvia etc. as well; definitely not suggesting Russians and Ukrainians are the same people - they are not).

The women from the West have stronger egos. I like analyzing people, trying to find the fundamental drives. Conclusions might end up being that we are driven by selfishness, lets say. If you pinpoint some action of an Ukrainian woman and suggest her it might be driven by that, she will possibly get defensive (much more likely than a girl from the West). Russian girls see analysis of them as an attack on their personality. Criticism is not taken lightly, and often combated with hostility. They will not stay with a guy who sees their bullshit for long. And, finally, they see the world as more of a hierarchy, therefore they strive for power and control more than western women (they do it as well (it is nature) - but way less). As a man, you will have way greater struggle for power with Russian and Ukrainian women (power struggle exists between every relationship to some extent, it is inescapable, because only few can truly love).

Russian and Ukrainian women are more attractive, and are more feminine. They are not influenced so much by the ideology of the West that sees patriarchy everywhere (even though they might be talking about it, they know it more intellectually, not intuitively, therefore they are influenced by it less). They take care of themselves more. And, they are not scared to take a role of a woman. The last one, after fucking my brains out, she went home, and brought me food she cooked! What girl from the West would ever do that?!?! I felt like a king.

Western women will give you many chances. With Russian and Ukrainians, if you just mess up once, they are gone. Even if they are really into you, they cut their losses swiftly. Nothing but a huge respect here from me.

The West and the East needs to merge. We need stronger egos and women who can cook.

If you are a man, you need to have completely different approaches with both groups. Also, what do you want? More intellectual connection? Or, more femininity?

fuck you.
i'm still obsessing over you.
you still occupy my mind.
or more precisely,
your pussy does.
your personality stinks.

you are shit.

why did you have to be so stupid?
and not see,
what i felt?

don't worry.
i'll get over you.

after a few fucks.

i'll get obsessed over someone new.

soon.

fuck you.

I want to see you so badly.
I try to occupy my mind with everything.
Yet,
I cannot escape.

The image of your face sucking my cock,
and the image of you moaning while desperately
trying to hold on to my hands for comfort,
while I roughly fuck you from behind,
and your perfect fucking ass,
and your perfect fucking body,
they all speak to my dick so powerfully,
that African children with no access to water
can go fuck themselves.

Also, the memories of holding you in my arms,
while we watch the rain outside...
day after we met,
on Friday the 13th...
Of all the days...

Fuck you.

You stupid power-hungry sexy fucking whore.

Fuck your art,
and fuck your ambitions.
You only belong on my dick.
You are only good for that.

You gave me one of the best nights,
and days,
of my life.

Best fuck ever.

Best body ever.

24 hours later,
it was destroyed.

By me,
and my sweet alcohol.

Fucked all day on Saturday.
On Sunday,
it was the end.

You saw all of my demons.

That last wave when you were on a tram,
and it was leaving,
is ingrained in my being,
forever.

I will meet you next life.

How the fuck did I fuck this up?
I guess it had to happen this way.
It is all temporary.
1 day or
1 year or
1 lifetime,
what is the difference?

Fuck it.
Fuck it all.

Time to become a fucking monk.