Another failed attempt at love. Yet he still somehow remains hopeful. How many more bullets are left in the chamber? How on earth he still can believe in love? His life depends on it. That is how. If he stops believing in love he knows he will not be human anymore. He is tired. Feels like on a life support. Kinda like a zombie but instead of brains it is love he seeks. He knows it is unlikely to happen. He knows he can never be happy. Maybe prostitution is the answer? Maybe he should give up at trying to be human? Maybe it is time to let the animal inside take over? Maybe it is time to forget humanity? Maybe it is time to force the ideas of connection and love, those stupid silly things, out of his mind? He is losing it. He is out of his mind. He is at the precipice. But where does the abyss lead to? Once he finally falls, where will he fall to? What is down there? Reality or the end of humanity? The end of illusion of love or love itself?
“The smell of summer. Smell, the language of memories. I remember the nights of youth. Nights of wonder. Nights of spending time with my dad fishing near the lake. It all comes back. Just from inhaling. Inhaling the summer.”
“Pay attention to what comes to your mind. There you will find motivations.”
“Love cannot exist without hatred.”
“Morality is an illusion manufactured by animalistic forces inside for them to get what they want..?”
“Love is a required force for survival.”
“Seek for anger. There lies treasure.”
“Imagine it is almost over. You are in a death bed. Barely breathing. Few hours left at most, and it is obvious this is the end. No more hope. No more choices. People are near you. Who are those people? Who comes to mind? Who is crucial? Who do you want to hold hands with? This is love. Life. Death. Inevitability of it all. How can something be so cruel..? How can something be so utterly beautiful..?”
“Average. Not special. In any regard. Once you realize and you admit that, how do you deal with it?”
“"You cannot step into the same river twice" - H. Same goes for you. You are always different. Always anew. From moment to moment.”