A calm partner terrifies you. You do your best to evoke their demons. If they are losing their mind, get angry, jealous - that's the familiar territory. Your nervous system is used to it. It's done automatically, unconsciously. That is what a relationship is, for you; always has been.

The Buddha in me you saw at the beginning - your system couldn't handle it. That was making you unbalanced and insane. A glitch in the matrix. Everyone has their demons, right? You wanted to see mine - so desperately. Why? Calmness for you is a dangerous unfamiliar place. The Buddha must be hiding something. Or maybe, The Buddha cannot be controlled and managed, so he must be destroyed and replaced?

The fear of abandonment is so powerful that you must find a way to control them. Seduce them, and afterwards, find their weaknesses, learn how to activate their wounds - something that you can use to make sure they never leave. But that's exactly what makes them leave. Generational demons. Projective identification.

Are all men the same pieces of shit? How much do you always try to prove that?

Are you a victim, or are you a perpetrator? Both?

You are Buddha too, my love. And everything around it.