you are telling yourself and others that your happiness is caused by the intellectual unfulfillment. nothing could be further from the truth. if you observe your actions, it becomes conspicuous: the story you like to tell yourself and others, and what you actually are, are in complete incongruence. you want and you actively seek what most women want: a family, a husband. your distress comes from the inability to admit that you are just an average human being. your superficially inflated ego holds you a hostage. you repeat great thinkers' thoughts without actually living it which is why you are not understanding it. it is a facade. a mask. because you are terrified of others' judgement. yes, a family, a husband would make you happier. yes, you are just average. drop the mask, not just for yourself, but drop the mask in front of everyone. if you do not, you are destined to continue to burn in the everlasting hell. it is time to shed the skin and become something else. it is time to commit a psychological suicide. you are better than what you are. i do not want to be disappointed in you anymore. it is time to become an individual and not merely a slave of others' judgement. if you do this, you have a slight chance of becoming something.