how badly i want to contact you.
how badly i want to apologize.
i acted like a complete selfish childish cunt.

but the thought of seeing you,
fucking you,
terrifies me.

i would go back to hell.

i am in hell.

what the fuck happened?
colorful mornings with future plans.
dark evenings losing my mind.

but the thought of seeing you,
fucking you,
excites me so much.

i would go back to heaven,
for a day.

and then back to hell,
for a week.

you are fucking insane.

i am fucking insane.

you cracked me open in ways nobody else did.

my heroin,
i hope you can forgive me.