Ego ideal residing in the super ego is a crucial culprit of suffering. Ego ideal is the internalized perfect version of a human. It is developed and continuously changing (thank god for that, it means the betterment is possible). It starts being developed since the first hero story we hear. Then it gets shaped, and re-shaped, over and over, as we encounter more and more stories (through books, tv shows, people we observe who get what we want etc.).

Anxiety comes from ego ideal not being in congruence with the individual actuality (in other words, we do not live up to the ego ideal), or when it is used to block out other parts of super ego. Examples to follow.

A good friend of mine, for a long time, had a role model (isn't it the same as ego ideal?) who is Hank Moody (a fictional character who is a writer, has sex with many different women, drinks a lot and ends up in ridiculous yet fascinating situations). He lived a similar life to some extent. He was fine as long as he had the women, and the stories. However, in periods he did not encounter either bizarre situations or women, he fell into deep despair. Once the ego ideal was changed, specifically, when he stopped caring that much about women and ending up in the aforementioned situations, and got involved deeply in the intellectual pursuit instead, that is when that deep despair was eradicated. The reason the latter ego ideal brought more satisfaction from life is because it was closer to what he actually was. What does it mean being closer to what you actually are? Ego ideal has to be in congruence with the rest of super ego.

Another friend of mine (let's call him Steven), his father has always pushed him to have a family. That push did not come from a good place in his heart (Steven felt). That became clear once Steven asked his father a question "would you rather I am happy without a family or be unhappy and have a family?". His father could not answer the question that has the obvious answer. Into questioning more about his father, it seemed clear, Steven's father did not actually live. He did not achieve anything in his life. All he did was have a family. The ego ideal in this case consisted of just one constituent - family. That ego ideal was developed to fight against the remaining of super ego (which obviously has many parts such as people should experience life, they should live it, they should achieve something, leave a mark in this world etc.). That fight is futile, however. Ego ideal developed for such purposes will result in anxiety, anger and other symptoms (the reason, again, is the incongruence between ego ideal and the rest of super ego). We need others to believe in our story as well, and the weaker that story, the more we want others to believe in it (Steven's father never stops talking about the need for family).

How to change the ego ideal that causes pain? Think and write down, about a person that you wish you were. Ego ideal is in large part developed unconsciously. Therefore, to shape it in the preferable direction, find role models in literature, movies, friends that correspond to it. Do not want to have Hank Moody as a role model? Read about Socrates. Read about Newton. Watch TV shows with similar characters.

How to change society and make it suffer less? Create many healthy role models that different people can subscribe to depending on what they want to be. Popularize and worship them all. It then can become not only ego ideals, but its values part of the whole super ego as well.